We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
