WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
