And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
