You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Barsexuality is the new black.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
