Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
