he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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