who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
