My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
