Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
