I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
