i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
