Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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