i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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