I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
