My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
