i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
