i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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