Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
