He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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