Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize