Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
