we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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