I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
