I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
