Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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