And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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