my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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