i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
