Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
