Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just invented taco cereal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
