Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
