and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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