dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize