no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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