You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
