That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
