she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
