I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
