i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
