So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
