Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize