I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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