I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
