Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
