You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
