if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
