I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
