If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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