There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
