Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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