I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
