my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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