she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
