I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
