Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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