"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just puked most of my soul out..
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