First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
