Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
