Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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