I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
