so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize