i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
