Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
