I'm jealous of your bromance
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
false alarm. still invincible.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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