I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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