btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
