just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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