His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
