My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
