i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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