I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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