Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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