:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
