this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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